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Archive for the ‘Annoying’ Category
I always tell people I like change–new projects, furniture, friends, places, whatever. But the truth is I often resist change, especially when the status quo is so comfy. Sometimes even if it’s not.
Take the example of the new computer I’m writing this on, an HP Pavillion dv7, that replaces an old Compaq running on a very tired Windows 2003.
I am thrilled with the speed on the internet.
I could even edit video, if I got the itch to follow that trend. Just yesterday I watched a Microsoft video where a guy, who introduced himself as a writer, told me how to change the wallpaper, which of course my teen daughter had done within five minutes of turning on the computer that she is already coveting.
I could have read the information in a fraction of the time. And as someone who was recently dazzled by all the special effects and flashy stars of the movie Inception I can’t quite see the point of staring at a video of a guy sitting beside a computer. Worse still, I`m worried that us writers will be forced to become talking heads.
What`s making me tear out my hair, though, is the keyboard, even though it’s a big mother by laptop standards. I could hook up my old one, but I need to learn in case I`m ever caught in a Starbucks between meetings and want to look cool.
I`m developing a nasty rash over the little dialogue boxes, menus, icons, French accents and toolbars that keep popping up for no apparent reason. Don`t get me started on the cursor that is dancing all over as I write this post.
Also messing with my serene concentration is the sound the computer makes when I do something wrong. It sounds almost like a typewriter return. No doubt this was invented by some young hot shot who has watched too many episodes of Mad Men.
It reminds me of the ping of 30 carriages randomly returning in high school typing class… Wait. I`m having a teen trauma flashback… I`m back.
I feel like I`m in that I Love Lucy episode when she`s working in the chocolate factory and the conveyor belt keeps coming faster and faster. Unlike Lucy, who shoved the chocolates in her mouth, I have no place to stash those freaking icons and chimes.
I should be enjoying the fact that I can work anywhere in the house, especially since my teen son spends so much of his time on his computer in my home office. He uses the headphones, but he`s still irritating me with an unintentional teeth click sounding. If I get upset, he will end up with post-teen traumatic disorder.
Yesterday I tried the dining room. The trouble was I was too close to the kitchen, with its fridge and chores.
This afternoon I`m on my shady patio. Much better.
I know every new system has a learning curve. And I’m so grateful I skipped Vista.
But what I want to know is why I can drive a new car off the lot but with a computer I have to watch lots of boring videos starring writers who would probably rather be writing.
I know I should be quoting some great Canadian because it’s Canada Day. But all that comes to mind is John F. Kennedy, whose political views could have passed for Canadian, who said: “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”
I find this quote fitting today because I have done something for my country today. No, I have not enlisted for Afghanistan or bought fire works for children.
What’s scarier than taxes?
I have programmed my HST, the harmonized sales tax we in Ontario are now paying. I know I should blame Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty. But I understand that the pressure came from Prime Minister Stephen Harper
It was so easy that I am embarrassed to admit how frightened I was. Much the same way I am terrified when asked to add up my monthly office costs for my income taxes. Much as I procrastinate over calculating the tax the HST replaces, the GST or goods and services tax.
Calculating them
My fear was compounded by the need to input amounts that vary by province into my Paypal account, a new and once-terrifying unknown beast who turned out to be a rather docile kitten.
I can’t blame childhood trauma or DNA deficiency for this irrational fear. I grew up watching my father, a chartered accountant who was a silver medalist in his graduating year, and my brother, a national math contest finalist, solving math puzzles. For fun. Seriously. Long-time Globe and Mail readers will recall Fun with Figures. Today, they are big on Sudoko.
Not from DNA
Even though I don’t share this interest, I am not totally without math skills. I am usually quick at roughly calculating individual shares when confronted with a multi-person restaurant bill. However, it’s not accurate to the penny, a math style that irritates accountants, tax people and other anal types.
Math skills also came in handy when I paid for much of my university as a cocktail waitress back in the days when we had to figure out bills in our head.
I still wake up from nightmares of adding up three domestic beers, two Heinken (the only imported then), one Singapore Sling (a sugary tall pink drink once popular with the ladies), one Harvey Wallbanger, two premium shots of Scotch and one regular rye. Fortunately, partyers don’t quibble over inconsequential arithmetic fumbles. As long as there’s enough for the next round, it all adds up.
Maybe this is where the math phobia began. At least I’m no longer forced to perform calculations while wearing hot pants, high heels and full makeup.
The propaganda machine
Like most people in Ontario, I’m pissed about having to charge and pay HST. Our government actually ran a taxpayer-supported propaganda campaign to explain why we would actually enjoy higher taxes.
Only the actors on the TV commercial seems to have bought it. But what could we do? The provincial opposition party is in the same camp as Stephen Harper, so its provincial members just mumbled a few words of discontent. We could have protested at the G20 summit, I suppose, but then we might have ended up in jail. No thanks.
I guess most of us passively accept higher taxes because we love having a healthcare system that turns no one away. And we are proud of having healthy banks and a relatively low government deficit.
Yes, we’re pissed about the cost of the G8 and G20 summits, government television commercials and much more. But not pissed enough to do much about it.
Oh, Canada. The only fireworks are in the sky.
My slow but sure route to blog writing success
That was supposed to be the title of this post. WordPress let me delete “Hello world,” but it doesn’t want me to replace it. Sigh.
Lots to learn, as you can see from the widgets and other stuff I have to do. In addition to finally moving from my free wordpress site, I’ve almost published my ebook on writing, hired Smojoe to help me make “keyword sandwiches” and started using images. I’m in the game.
That’s Smojoe, also known as Rob Campbell, below, (me in the red), handing winner Gary Schlee a door prize at a recent seminar where I figured out more about my slow-but-sure plan for blogging success.
“Burn the ships”
I’ve read lots of bloggers who seemed to have quick success. But I stubbornly stuck to my bush league blogging until I got more comfortable with this writing style and enough nerve to “burn the ships.” Well, some of them anyways.
In Six Pixels of Separation, Mitch Joel talked about how Hernando Cortez burned the ships so his sailors could not attempt to return home after they arrived in Mexico to conquer the Aztecs.
I have not been brave or foolhardy enough to burn all my ships. But I have reduced the size of the fleet. There isn’t a ship large enough to take me back to the old corporate world. And there aren’t enough provisions left in the remaining fleet to maintain my family’s simple lifestyle, let alone replace the aqua bathroom fixtures.
Like the Cortez crew, for me the only way is forward.
Make money blogging?
So the heat to generate revenue from my blog is now intense. But how do I do it?
From the blog writing requests I see on the internet, I knew I could not begin to feed my two teens with what freelance bloggers are paid.
It’s not just that I’ve been spoiled by the corporate world, but I’ve always felt that rates for freelance writers for most traditional media have been an insult. Why should you pay a plumber so much more than a writer? Beats me.
I also knew I couldn’t make enough money from advertising, unless my page views spike astronomically. Not counting on that.
DIY writing
But I realized that with more people wanting, or being forced, to do their own writing, there should be a big demand for Write like you talk–only better.
In fact, I decided to gear down on email newsletter writing marketing because so many prospects insisted they wanted to do it themselves. Their rejection was my inspiration.
Most of these people, I realized, were experts in their fields and competent writers. They just needed some help, which I will provide in Write like you talk–only better, 3 steps to turn good talkers into great writers.
Despite the claims of those hucksters who promise to make you rich quickly from your blog or ebook, I knew that quality work takes time. Instead of getting rich quickly, I have set my sights on getting more comfortable slowly but surely.
The Mike Holmes of practical writing
Just as Mike Holmes (also a Canadian) shows people how to renovate and what to look for in a contractor, so too will I make my mark by helping all these smart people to write better or at least understand what they need to look for when they’re outsourcing. I want to be the Mike Holmes of practical, versus creative, writing.
Of course, there’s a lot more I need to do.
I’ll be updating and moving many of my posts from the old wordpress site. And I’ll be adding new ones, not only about writing, but also about how my slow but sure journey is progressing Learn more